I have a new phone and it’s glorious, but wow was there ever a lot of drama involved in getting this new phone. First world problems, I know, but I’m going to share it with you anyways.
It all began with Fathers’ Day. We like to go to Port Dover for the day, with the family. It’s our new tradition since my father-in-law loves it, my dad loves it and Russ loves it. We typically go for fish and chips and then walk along the beach or the pier with our ice cream cones. This year, dad suggested that he bring his fishing boat to Port Dover so we could all go out for a ride on the lake. That sounded fantastic!!!
It was fantastic. The day was beautiful but almost too hot, so we waited until later in the afternoon to hit the water. The folks at the boat ramp warned us that it was quite choppy out there, but we planned to stay close to shore anyways. So, off we went, all geared up in our life jackets and ready for some fun in the sun on the water. It was very choppy indeed, and probably worst just along the shore by the harbour, where we were. Mom and Henry and I were sitting up at the front, enjoying the occasional spray of water when suddenly a huge wave came up over the bow and drenched us. We shrieked with shock and delight. Henry laughed and laughed. My mom fussed about her hair. And all I could think about was my phone. I had my phone in my hand when the tsunami hit and it was splashed. That’s it. Just splashed. I reached over and grabbed the roll of paper towels and wiped off and wrapped up my phone within seconds. And then I left it to dry off. I was bummed because it was Fathers’ Day and I wanted to take pictures. I wanted pictures of my dad and of Grandpa Bill because you never know how long they will be around. I was feeling all sentimental and wanting to capture this perfect afternoon so I could have the pictures forever, and instead my phone was soaked and I had to put it away. And that is why there are no pictures on this blog entry, because I don’t have any to share.
The good news is that I had just backed up all my pictures and videos from my phone on to my computer two days before. The bad news is that the bag of rice did not do the trick and by Monday morning, eighteen hours later, I was going nuts without my phone. It’s true. I couldn’t last eighteen hours without my phone!!! We went to the park for the morning where, instead of checking on the news, I had to just sit and watch children playing, which really isn’t as interesting as the pinterest moms make it out to be. Do not judge me for this. Independence and resilience are qualities I deeply admire and try to nurture in our child. I do not get down in the dirt to play cars with Henry. He brings his construction vehicles to the park and he plays independently or with other children. I am the mom who is watching from a distance, in the shade, with a cold caffeinated beverage and my phone. When he falls, he gets back up, waves at me, and keeps on rolling. Because he is that kind of kid, I can be that kind of mom. Or perhaps, because I am that kind of mom, he can be that kind of kid. Who really knows?
All I know is that I had never realized just how much I rely on my phone until it was gone. And I don’t even use my phone as a phone. I hate talking on the phone. I just use it for everything else. For instance, I knew it was hot, but I couldn’t know exactly how hot it was. I like to know. Also, did they find the other capybara in Toronto’s High Park or was it still on the lamb? These are the news stories I follow and it was killing me to not know. I wanted to send Tanya a picture via BBM because I knew she would be so proud to see that I was sitting on a park bench, half-way through a bag of Tostitos and jar of cheese by 9-something-ish in the morning. I don’t know what time it was exactly because I didn't know what time it was at all. I didn’t know who else was on their way to the park or if our friends were really going to meet us at the splash pad later. My mom hadn’t checked in with her usual “what are you two up to this morning?” I couldn’t search for new patio cushions on amazon, or send a grocery list to Russ. I was completely lost without my phone. Did I have any new chocolate orders for my business? Had those beekeepers answered my question about feeders? Was there a new review on Airbnb from our weekend guests? It was like being in a sensory deprivation chamber. I was lost and stupid without my phone. I tried to be all philosophical about it, and learn from it, and take pictures with my heart…. whatever.
By noon, Henry and I were headed to the Telus store at the mall. We haven’t been to the mall in at least a year. There’s a reason for that. His name is Hurricane Henry. I thought we could be in and out quickly, that we were ready to face the mall again. Famous last words. The first stop at Telus revealed two service reps busy serving customers and four people hovering. We walked the loop around the mall and came back, only to find another four people had joined in the hovering. One of the hoverers was also a mom. Her husband was wheeling her two toddlers around the mall while she waited and she smiled sympathetically in my direction. Since I was on my own with Henry, and without a stroller, I needed a solid strategy. We went for fries, because I figured Henry could sit down in the corner of the store and eat his fries while the rep helped me solve my phone issue. Sadly, the fries were almost gone and there were still several hoverers ahead of me. We went for another walk and when another pop-in confirmed that they were still too busy, I headed for the stroller rental booth. I desperately needed to contain this kid and the fries had not done their job. While I was trying to sign out the stroller, Henry made a break for it. He ran right through the jewelry store and right into the back where their safe is located. I found myself leaning over the counter, doing that uber-quiet, uber-angry mom yell through clenched teeth. There was some hissing involved. He sheepishly came out before security arrived and I swooped him up and plunked him on the counter at the lottery kiosk / stroller rental place. The lady was sympathetic, even when his remaining fries dumped all over the counter and into her booth. She agreed that I definitely needed that stroller. I had to leave my car keys as collateral. I asked if I could leave Henry instead. She didn’t think it was funny. I was close to tears.
We wheeled back to Telus, where a throng had gathered, just to spite me. So, deciding that I was not going to lose my place ‘in line’ again, I began pushing the stroller around and around the outer aisles of the store. Around and around and around. I was like the lion at the zoo, just pacing the perimeter and ready to bite someone’s, anyone’s head off at any moment. Henry was eating Timbits, at this point, and yelling whenever he couldn’t see the parrots and monkeys on the screen at the front of the store. Finally the third service rep came back from lunch and one of the other workers told him that he’d better help me first, for everyone’s sake. The multitude agreed. Long story short, the rep told me that it would cost between $200 and $300 to fix my phone. If I upgraded to the newest Samsung, I would get $200 on the trade-in and only have to pay $320 up front. It seemed like the logical solution. And so he began to, ever so slowly, set up the new phone with all kinds of apps I didn’t need or want. He couldn’t save my contacts, but he made darn sure I had the Telus app on my phone. And then he wanted to show me every case available for the new phone. I was trying to explain that I didn’t want to get a case at this point, that we just needed to go and he was not listening to me…. when it became apparent to all of us that Henry had pooped his pants. Telus guy was suddenly efficient. There was no more sales pitch, upselling, app-adding and the like. That guy rang us through pronto and we were free to go home. We dropped off the stroller and poor Henry waddled his poopy self across the parking lot to our hot car, where I was able to change him in the trunk. It was only 31 degrees out. No biggie. It was all good.
Because I had a glorious new phone. The world was right again.
Kari Raymer Bishop
Lover of Jesus, cheeses and tropical breezes... seeking balance in life, even as I embrace new challenges and chase new dreams. I am wife, mother, daughter and friend, as well as teacher, entrepreneur, activist, writer, beekeeper and hostess. Come along on the journey through my long-awaited midlife crisis!